~Anything but Alone~

AGGHHH! It's been over a month since I posted anything and time is getting away from me. No-one is waiting on me though, I don't think. I don't have any followers. I basically just do this for my girls. A sort of legacy or keepsake if you will. I always seem to intend to get to the computer to write SOmEthiNG but I always find other things to do like laundry or the dishes. But I am now making the time. Or should I say, time is making ME! I am up at the wee hour of 3am this morning with a chest cold. My colds always seem to find comfort in my lungs! Never in my sinuses like most normal Southernors. Maybe because it is dark in there and the virus likes to be left in privacy while it multiplies and takes up homestead in my breathing apparatus!!
Lila~Kate is sound asleep right now and Johnna is also in dreamland. NOT the case for the past month and a half. About eight weeks ago the baby began this (unbeknownst to me it would last almost two months before it got better!) terrible waking pattern when she was supposed to be resting that angelic little head. Little did I know it was the start of something around here that would become the topic of my daily conversation with my mother-in-love, mom, best friend, or anyone else who could direct me in the path of some quiet nights. I have, for the most part, let her fall asleep on her own in her bed. Not because I mind getting her to sleep, it's just that when you have two kids it is harder to do with the second child the same that you did with the first. Johnna still sleeps with us. Many of you who read this will scoff at this, but it works for us and we don't mind. If there was room Lila~Kate would be in there too. It just simply isn't safe for her with a large, crocodile wrangling pre-schooler in the same bed! That is another subject in itself, maybe a different paragraph if I have time. If not, definitely another post then!
Anyway, like I was saying, she started waking up about thirty minutes or so after falling asleep... I have always swaddled her so I tried leaving both arms out. No help. I tried not swaddling... No help. I tried keeping her up later and then also getting her up earlier. Nothing. Every night all through the night she would wake up crying and not getting herself back to sleep. I kept thinking of things it could be. She is a finger sucker-- "Maybe her fingers are falling out of her mouth and it is making her mad?" So I put her down with her paci. Nope!! "Maybe she needs a little something else to eat before bed other than her milk." Tried cereal for the first time from a spoon and let me just say, I didn't think she was EVER gonna poop again. That made it so much worse. So after a day or two of trying to ''unstop'' her we were back to the initial problem of no sleep. My mother-in-love would go over things everyday to try to figure out what it could be and what we could try. She is breast fed so I fed her a bottle one night that I had pumped just so I could see how much she was getting and she was getting enough for her age and weight. Besides, when she woke up she wasn't hungry. I bought teething tablets, teething rings, rubbed her gums and gave her tylenol. All to no avail. I am not exaggerating when I tell you I tried EVERYTHING I could think of. Baths before bed and keeping her on a schedule all keep things from being any worse but did not make it any better. I had almost given up and entertained the thought of moving myself and her into Johnna's bed to set up shop through these long and sleepless nights. Until, on May 22nd, I saw a little something peeping from her bottom gum.... Popping right out at me was a brand new pearly white! So freakin' cute I might add. And that night, well, let's just say SHE got the answer to my prayer. A restful night's sleep. I , on the other hand, am still suffering from insomnia. Maybe from getting up and down so many times with her. I don't know. But it is making me crazy! It'll get better, right? My sleeping, I mean. Not life.. Life is great and let me tell you, if I ended up having to sleep with her, , well, , I'll just say that wouldn't be the end of the world for me.. It might just be the start of a beautiful relationship! ;) I miss having that tiny little body snuggled in close to me.
To me, co-sleeping I'll call it, is almost as natural as breast feeding. I know where my baby is, if she's still breathing, and I can almost immediately calm her before she even knows she's unsettled. Some people will disagree with me here, but this is my parenting ''style'' and you have a right to your opinion. Isn't my duty as a mother to calm my baby when she is upset? When they cry, they aren't just crying for no reason. A crying baby is asking for something; Whether it bed food, comfort, or a cuddle, they are asking for something. And we have babies to feed, comfort, and care for them. Not to put them on a strict schedule that meets our needs and put them to the side and tell them to behave. That is more like having a pet, don't you think? That's just what it is, an opinion, not a fact. There have been studies on this and that and the other, people against co-sleeping say it increases the risk of SIDS, while advocates for it and even some who aren't on either side of the fence say it reduces SIDS. (Only for the baby whose mother does not smoke, consume alcohol, or who is not on any mind-altering medication. A mother like me, who wakes at the drop of a pin, sleeps with one eye open, and NEVER changes position without changing the baby's position too would never roll over on her baby or let it fall between the wall and the bed. I never let Johnna sleep by the wall anyway.) If anyone actually reads my blog one day and sees this (somehow I feel this is the only part someone is going to read and comment on anyhow, ) I will probably get lots of nasty comments on how stupid I am and ''Don't you know better?" But that's ok. I know what worked for me and we all have the right to our own opinion... The only reason little Lila isn't in the bed with us is simply because I can't expect Johnna to give up her spot in the bed and I definitely DO NOT think it is safe to sleep with a baby in the bed when you have another a husband and child in the bed also. Especially when that child does acrobats in his/her sleep. So, as bad as it breaks my heart, Lila~Kate sleeps in her own bed. At least until Danny leaves for work in the morning and makes more room. Then I go and get my snuggle bunny and cuddle up next to her and my Johnna and breathe it all in.. This is the best sleep I get all night. Lying next to my two best girls. It is almost intoxicating. Lying there in bed knowing they are safe and warm gives me this out~of~this~world feeling. For that moment, all the world is right and I have everthing I have ever wanted and needed right there on each side of me. And THAT is something I will never forget. All the good night's sleep in the world isn't worth trading my couple hours in heaven with my little angels. Hearing them breathe in and out there in the dark is so calming. That does more for me than a sleeping remedy any doctor could prescribe. I look forward to it every early morning. One day, when my girls are gone and have husbands of their own, Danny and I will have a life time of nights and mornings together, but we will ALWAYS cherish the ones when we were anything but alone.